Anxiety

 I get to visit my LYS maybe once or twice a month. It's close to home but I'm usually doing work or school. Lately I've been feeling really stressed out.
Momma, needs a trip to the yarn store. I mumbled to myself several times a day for the past week.
no I am not a mother. it's an expression.
A yarn store is a gigantic treat for me, for the past couple years of my knitting life I've only ever had one downtown and across town, if not in another city. So when one opened up nearby it took a lot to contain myself, and my wallet. 
Art stores are so much cheaper, and I'm not exactly a yarn snob. 

Therefore when I do get a chance to visit I feel obligated to buy something, even if I'm trying to save money or starve the stash. 

Feeling strsesed out lately, it sank in more when I was there. Strangely. Shopping usually relieves stress but lately it's felt more like extra clutter. Or a reminder to all the things I need to get done at home. 

Pacing around the store for over an hour I finally actually had to leave. On the way out I decided, screw it.
If any color had been attracting me in that store it had been this lovely coral, since the first day. Expensive for a recycled material yarn, and I didn't want to look like I was falling for all that "upcycling" nonsense. I wasn't trying to buy this because I was trying to be trendy and green. I wanted to buy it because I loved the color, I loved tweedy things, and I love cotton. I thought it was worsted and planned mittens, delightedly I realized it was sport when my clerk was winding it.
I hope to see gloves from this, I've never made gloves before.

As I hoped it did soothe my anxiety a little. I think one of the reasons we feed the stash is to renew our hope. Believe in ourselves that we'll be productive and keep knitting on. Making beautiful things with beautiful fibers. 

My mother asked me later that day "So what's so special about this yarn anyway." Wasn't till she walked away I realized I didn't need to sputter anything about what it was made of. I bought a piece of mind with it, I wasn't trying to save money by knitting my own gloves. I was trying to save money on therapy and drugs for mental health.
Knitting is much cheaper in that regard.