Wednesday, January 1, 2014


My dad said if I get over emotional and need to retain my composure to calculate the Fibonacci numbers in my head. Which is when you add the last two numbers together to get the next number.
0 1 1 2 3 5 8 13 21 and so on.
The trouble is, this doesn't work on me at all. Why? When I mentally get to 13 + 21 my brain has to try harder than the past few numbers. He said that's a good thing because the thought distraction should help you not be emotional.
But no that's not what happens. My brain goes, oh that's too much work, and tries anything it can do to escape trying to calculate it, looking for what ever else is going on. Which is the emotions my dad told me to ignore.
So then I start crying anyway.

Why am I mentioning this?

My uncle died December 27th. Two days after Christmas. Two days after I saw him in the hospital. Survived by his parents, children and siblings.
Today was the viewing and I couldn't keep it together. 4-7 was the viewing then the Rosary, which I was staying for the whole time.
I kept it together for all of 10 seconds when I got in there then wandered the halls of the funeral home for awhile, went back, started to cry again, walked around the chapel, rinse(with my tears) and repeat.
I decided the more I saw the casket the more I cried so I stared at my feet.
No one else was crying so I didn't blend in, however it's a bit acceptable at a funeral. His son, my cousin even gave me a really long hug when he saw I was crying. It made me feel better that my tears probably showed that I cared about his dad.

I couldn't take my mind off it. But I brought appropriately black knitting. Bulky. An unfinished  Christmas gift for my dad who just lost a brother. I was angry at my father yesterday for stealing my phone, and opening my mail, so I hadn't worked on it then. Now seemed appropriate.
I needed to take my mind off things. And look down. Not at that casket.
Stitching away my sister remarked that I was smart for bringing my knitting.  I agreed, because yeah it was smart that I had something to distract me from crying. Then I realized she meant that she was bored and had wished she brought something to pass the time.

Still. I know what people mean when they say knitting is therapy. Whether it's helping you get your mind off finals, or a foreboding dead body a few yards away from you, it can help give your hands something to do, give your brain something to do. And give your eyes a break from the world.
I don't always zen out with knitting but then was a good time to.

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